I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
