Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
