it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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