you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
