This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
