I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
