so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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