Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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