C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
