You made me cry and you don't even care
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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