Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
