I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He felt like a one man threesome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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