u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
