Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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