It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
