Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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