There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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