Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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