im about as happy as oj after his trial
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
