Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
