it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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