So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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