i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
