if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
