sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
