Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
