I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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