They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
