No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
nutella sex= disaster
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
