those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
