we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
