oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
