So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
