You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
