Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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