If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
