Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize