I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this will be a night to untag.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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