I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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