I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
