Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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