yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
