my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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