I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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