On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
