i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
