Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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