So drunk its hurt
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
