walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
