separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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