Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
