Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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