Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
