my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why was I lying under a truck last night?