Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human