guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.