U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
