you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
