Can i not drive my cunt home
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
