Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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