She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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