I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
