i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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