rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
