I haven't been this sober since birth.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
